Saturday, August 18, 2012

Campaign: Cthulhu for President!

Something a little silly for a change, copied and slightly altered from a LiveJournal post done about 4 1/2 years ago:

Campaign 2012, brought to you by Cthulu for President, 2012 - why vote for the Lesser Evil? Vote Cthulu for President 2012 and be part of the New Destiny!

Campaign 2012 is a Platform to bring about drastic changes in our judicial system. Because of the proliferation of both frivolous lawsuits and frivolous lawyers, it is necessary to do some pruning, so to speak. Since Raid (tm) doesn't make a Lawyer Hotel, we therefore had to come up with something a bit more ... creative. So, without further ado, here is the basis for Campaign 2012, a New Platform for a New Judicial System!

Lawyers will no longer wage symbolic war in the court-room, they will literally battle it out in the ring. Depending on how frivolous the suit is, they may need to go to DeathMatch to settle the suit - the more frivolous your suit, the more likely you are to need to kill or be killed to have it settled. This will help control the judicial system in two ways. First, by making lawyers take a step back before filing frivolous lawsuits, it will take a huge strain off of the judicial system. Secondly, with the DeathMatches (shown on Pay-Per-View TV, with 90% of the proceeds to go to the winning client), we will further be pruning out many of the unnecessary lawyers that are proliferating on the planet faster than the cockroaches in my kitchen (and that's pretty darn fast).

Whether it's a murder trial - requiring only a boxing match - or whether Granny spilled hot coffee on herself at McMoneyLoot's and wants to sue them because she's stupid that way, thereby requiring the lawyers to go to DeathMatch, Campaign 2012 will give us a new way to look at the Judicial process.

And don't forget - VOTE CTHULU, 2012 because, hey - why vote for the LESSER evil??


  1. This is reminiscent of Frank Herbert's Whipping Star series.

    1. What books are in this series? Must learn more!


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