Review: You Got To Be Kidding: The Cultural Arsonist's Literal Reading of the Bible

You Got To Be Kidding: The Cultural Arsonist's Literal Reading of the Bible by Joe Wenke

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Book Info: Genre: Satire
Reading Level: Adult
Recommended for: most everyone
Trigger Warnings: People who believe the Bible is the inviolable word of their creator should probably not read this. Sense of humor mandatory.

Disclosure: I received an e-galley ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

Synopsis (slightly altered for space) courtesy of Goodreads: Why did God turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt? Were there no other seasonings available? Why don't we know anything about the early years of Jesus? Did someone lose his baby book? Who reported the desert encounter between Jesus and Satan: Jesus-or Satan? And why does the Holy Spirit like to show up as a bird?

This book is an investigation into the bestselling book of all time. Written to "cause trouble", cultural arsonist Wenke, a keen observer of human gullibility, tempts readers to more closely examine the stories they think they know about the Bible.

Drawing upon the same pool of incendiary and cerebral humor as Bill Maher, Jon Stewart and the late, great George Carlin, You Got to be Kidding is a call for humor to restore our sanity and our ability to think for ourselves. Just as it was written in the Bible—or was it?

My Thoughts: “So Moses, (speaking for God) states that it is perfectly fine to slaughter every single man, woman and child in a town that you are invading, but it is wrong to cut down a fruit tree. Fruit—it’s one of the weirdest motifs in the Old Testament.” This book was absolutely hilarious—and guaranteed to absolutely infuriate anyone who cannot tolerate mockery of their sacred institutions, no matter how badly such mockery is needed.

While talking about the Great Flood, for instance, Wenke says:

“God’s decision to flood the entire earth and kill everybody and everything is without a doubt far and away the greatest single act of genocide in the history of the world. It makes you wonder what God thought of the pathetic attempts of Hitler, Stalin and Mao to compete in the genocidal sweepstakes. They may have slaughtered millions, but there were still plenty of people left when they were done.”

Ahh, I love really offensive statements like this, because they are guaranteed to upset people and start them picketing and marching and yelling silly slogans. And we all love watching that sort of thing, don’t we?

I ended up reading a lot of this out to my husband, who laughed almost as much as I did.

I think Wenke does a pretty good job of finding a lot of the inconsistencies and inaccuracies, especially when he points out the extreme inconsistencies between the various stories of the resurrection. I noted above that this is a trigger warning for anyone who believes the Bible is actually perfect, but thinking about it, these are the people who most need to read this book. I think these two quotes pretty much encapsulate the idea of the book. “But hey, what’s the big deal? Nothing’s perfect, including the Bible.” And then this one. “They say the Bible is perfect, but it appears that God needs an editor.” There is a lot of knowledge in the Bible, but it is not inviolable, it is not perfect, and people need to realize this and stop the insanity.



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Review: The Last Donut Shop of the Apocalypse

The Last Donut Shop of the Apocalypse by Nina Post

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



Book Info: Genre: Urban Fantasy (Comedic)
Reading Level: Adult
Recommended for: Fans of urban fantasy, fans of the series

Disclosure: I received an e-galley version of this book from Curiosity Quills via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

Synopsis: After narrowly preventing the last apocalypse, Kelly Driscoll finds herself with an unlikely day job. She’s the interim manager of Amenity Tower, one of the few buildings still left standing in the rubble of Pothole City. But after answering a mysterious phone call, she signs up for a new mission that’s a perfect match for her skills: locating the missing president of the famed Cluck Snack brand.

As Kelly quickly learns, the missing executive is only the beginning of Pothole City’s problems. The city’s leading donut shops — run by two very different Gorgon monster siblings — are engaged in a bitter territorial dispute. Plus, the residents of Kelly’s building have hatched a new plot to kill the beloved single-purpose angels and set the stage for another apocalypse.

Teaming up again with her allies from the first book — including Af the Angel of Destruction, Stringfellow the ferret, and Tubiel and the other single-purpose angels — Kelly is up for the challenge. But can she rescue the missing president and restore peace between the donut shops before Pothole City is destroyed yet again?

My Thoughts: Nina Post is an absolute riot. You may recall I read the first book in this series, Last Condo Board of the Apocalypse in September (link here where formatting allowed), as well as her other book, One Ghost per Serving in August (link here where formatting allowed) and quite enjoyed them, so I was very eager to read this latest from her talented pen.

This book was a bit mellower than the previous book, and actually followed a fairly straightforward plot. There were a few new Cluck Snack names (for a long listing of some of them, check out my review of Last Condo Board of the Apocalypse, but I didn’t notice any titanium sporks! Guess they were all used up? But Kelly’s inner methods of dealing with unwanted thoughts continued to be a source of amusement. We also learn more about the mysterious SSI, in whose building Kelly squats.

If it were allowed, I’d probably give this one a three and a half stars—I liked it, but not quite as much as the first one, despite using the same rating. Still, an enjoyable book and a great way to spend a few hours if you like urban fantasy.

Before I go, I’d like to mention that Nina Post has a couple of new books coming out this next year that I’m really excited about—one of which is her sequel to One Ghost per Serving. I will definitely be requesting these from Curiosity Quills so I can read them as soon as possible.



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JKS Presents: "Ticket to Hollywood" by Gary Reilly

I just finished reading Ticket to Hollywood (and you can see the review here) by Gary Reilly (who is, tragically, now deceased). Now, learn a bit more about both the book and the writer! First, a bit more information about Ticket to Hollywood:

BOOK DETAILS

Paperback: $14.95, eBook, $9.99

ISBN: 978-0-9847860-1-5

Comic Fiction, 216 pages

Running Meter Press / Big Earth Publishing

Dec. 3, 2012

In Ticket to Hollywood, the second of 11 comic novels about Denver cab driver Brendan Murphy, a.k.a “Murph,” a young woman on the way to a showing of The Great Gatsby leaves her purse behind in Murph’s Rocky Mountain Taxi Cab #127—and then goes missing. Murph finds himself confronted by police and loses his job. He becomes entangled with filmmakers and makes his way to Los Angeles in search of the lost woman and in desperate need to restore his reputation and regain normalcy, which in Murph’s case means doing as little as possible.

Ticket to Hollywood follows the June 2012 debut of The Asphalt Warrior. The first volume of Murph’s adventures rose to No. 3 on The Denver Post best-seller list.

Website: TheAsphaltWarrior.com

Twitter    @Asphalt_Warrior   Facebook   The Asphalt Warrior  Goodreads  Gary Reilly

Gary Reilly

Author Biography

Gary Reilly was a writer.

Simply stated, that was the essence of the man.

Born in Arkansas City, Kansas he spent his early years in Kansas and Colorado in a large Irish-Catholic family of seven brothers and sisters. The family moved to Denver where Gary attended parochial high school, graduating in 1967.

He served two years in the army, including a tour in Vietnam as a military policeman.

After discharge, Gary majored in English at Colorado State University and continued studies at the Denver campus of the University of Colorado.

All along, his overarching ambition was to write fiction. And he did, prodigiously. His first published short story, The Biography Man, was included in the Pushcart Prize Award anthology in 1979.

Later he turned to novels, several based on his army experiences. While he wrote both serious and genre fiction, his greatest invention was the character, Murph, a likable, bohemian Denver cab driver. Starting with The Asphalt Warrior, Gary cranked out eleven Murph novels.

His dedication to writing did not include self-promotion. Instead of seeking agents and publishers, he focused on his craft, writing and rewriting, polishing to perfection. He wrote well over twenty novels before he thought he was ready to make his work public.

Unfortunately, he passed away in March 2011, before he could realize that dream.

Friends and family remember Gary as a fun-loving, generous soul who always had time for other writers, helping them shape their work, getting it ready for print.

Now, through Running Meter Press and Big Earth Publishing in Boulder, Colorado, Gary’s fiction is finally coming to bookstores in Colorado and across the nation.

Website: TheAsphaltWarrior.com

Twitter    @Asphalt_Warrior   Facebook   The Asphalt Warrior  Goodreads  Gary Reilly

Review: Ticket To Hollywood

Ticket To Hollywood by Gary Reilly

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Book Info: Genre: Comedic mystery
Reading Level: Adult
Recommended for: Anyone who likes to laugh
Trigger Warnings: Excessive laughter? You know, if you have a weak bladder or something you might want to be careful.

My Thoughts: This book was hilarious. Murph was a wonderfully fun character, full of wisdom and wisecracks and strange, random thoughts that cause startled outbursts of laughter. This review will consist to a huge degree of quotes from the book, which I think will do a much better job of expressing exactly why it was I loved this book than all the nonsense I might babble. For instance:

Murph on work:

I hate competition. It’s one of the seven warning signs of work. I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure out ways to make money without working. I don’t know what I could do to get money besides driving a cab, except robbing banks. Both occupations have their pros and cons. For instance, bank robbery isn’t quite as dangerous as cab driving, but it pays better.

My fake weekend has begun. I always take Tuesday off, unless my rent is due and I need to pick up some extra cash. I always take Thursday off, too. I have two fake weekends and one real weekend per week. Sometimes I wish there were eight days in a week just so I could squeeze in an extra weekend. But we all have our crosses to bear.

...like I always say, “Now is as good a time as any to start not doing things.”

I wandered the sidewalk watching all the street performers doing their juggling acts, playing their musical instruments, busting their asses to avoid work. I liked that. But I wanted to tell them there were easier ways to avoid work, like cab driving.

That was how I was going to get things back to normal—by working. I never thought I would use the words “working” and “normal” in the same sentence, but I’ll try anything to avoid facing reality.

Murph on writing and writers:

I have completed and uncompleted screenplays, but they both fall into the category of “unsold.” I’ve seen quite a few movies where the screenplays seemed to be in the “uncompleted” category yet still got sold and made into movies, so I generally refer to all screenplays as “sold” or “unsold.” But that’s just my own filing system.

Writers, even unpublished writers, have a tendency not to notice what’s going on around them when they are the center of attention.

Most of the ideas I’ve gotten for novels or screenplays have occurred to me while I was either shaving or taking a bath. A number have occurred to me while I was driving 127. I rarely get ideas when seated in front of my typewriter, which I find ironic because I have always suspected that typing somehow plays a key role in writing.

It’s a funny thing about writing. You get so balled up in a story idea that you lose your perspective and forget that human beings might read your words someday.

My imagination was running amok again. Twice in one night. This never happens when I’m sitting in front of a typewriter.

My big dream back then was to buy an IBM Selectric. I still have that dream. I really ought to buy a word-processor. Half the cabbies at Rocky own computers. They tell me they can write failed novels ten times faster on a PC.

I was through with screenwriting.... I figured it was time to stop fooling myself. I was no screenwriter. I was going to stick with novel writing...

Murph on LA:

I was in the land of fakes and frauds and phonies—I felt like saying “Howdy cousin,” to everybody who walked by.

I expected Los Angeles to be slick and modern, but overall it had a rundown look and feel to it. Sort of like Denver. Sort of like every city in America I’ve lived in, except San Francisco, which looks cool.

The clerk was... a young man with a goatee and an earring, both on his chin.

I was driving pretty much the way everyone drives in LA, like elephants dancing on each others’ backs at a circus.

Murph on dating:

When I was a teenager, most fathers tended to go berserk when I asked their daughters on a date.... I discovered that all fathers go berserk when their daughters start dating. I have to assume this was because all fathers were once teenagers at some point in their lives, so they had no illusions about whether or not the boys were “up to something.”

She looked confused. She looked off-balance. That’s a technique I employ to get dates, and it always works.

I have a lot more quotes highlighted, and accompanying comments, but I think that’s probably enough. I hope that gives you a good idea of exactly why I enjoyed this book so very, very much. As I finished reading it, I gave one last chuckle and had a huge smile on my face, if that tells you anything about how very much I enjoyed this book. I absolutely must have my own copy of the first book in this series, The Asphalt Warrior, and I will definitely be watching for additional books in this series. Highly recommended to folks who enjoy a good laugh!

Disclosure: I received an ARC e-book copy of this book from JKS Communications (the author’s publicist) in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

Synopsis: In Ticket to Hollywood, the second of 11 comic novels about Denver cab driver Brendan Murphy, a.k.a “Murph,” a young woman on the way to a showing of The Great Gatsby leaves her purse behind in Murph’s Rocky Mountain Taxi Cab #127—and then goes missing. Murph finds himself confronted by police and loses his job. He becomes entangled with filmmakers and makes his way to Los Angeles in search of the lost woman and in desperate need to restore his reputation and regain normalcy, which in Murph’s case means doing as little as possible. Ticket to Hollywood follows the June, 2012 debut of The Asphalt Warrior. The first volume of Murph’s adventures rose to #3 on The Denver Post bestseller list.

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Guest Post (and free e-book): Milos Mitic

Today I have a young author named Milos Mitic, who has overcome significant obstacles in reaching his goal of having a stable, good relationship, and writing a book. His self-help book is How to Start a Relationship: the Ultimate Adviser for Finding your True Love. (It is currently free on Amazon for download to your Kindle and will remain so until the 17th)

Today I have a guest post from Milos, about how to write a book, so without further ado: here he is!

Milos Mitic: How to write a book

Writing a book can be complicated. You have an idea, a lot of thoughts flying around and no system. But with very little preparation, writing a book can be a real pleasure. And it can be done very fast.

First thing is to put your idea on paper. Grab a sheet of paper (or use a computer program if you like) and put your idea in the centre. Then start to develop a mind map. Each branch going from the center represents one idea. Sub-branches are your subchapters, ideas, story flow, whatever you want. Aim is to put all ideas on paper.

Don’t spend more than 20 minutes on that. Don’t go in details, just cover the basics. In the end you’ll have a nice mind map of your complete story.

Now when you have all ideas on paper, it’s time to start writing.

Take a few hours of each day just for writing. You want to do that at the same time, just as if you went to work. That helps you to be organized.

Think of using a professional typing program like Scrivener. MS Word is good for typing this text, but when you have a book with bunch of chapters and subchapters it can be a nightmare to navigate through all that.

Since I’ve wrote a “how to” book, I’ll explain the framework I was working in. This
framework is very good for that kind of book and with little adjustments it can be applied to any kind of writing (blogging, for example).

We’re starting to write…

First thing is a promise, what your reader is going to get when he or she applies your advices. Start with the end, with conclusion. If your book is, for example, about how to enhance a golf swing, you can describe that actual moment when your reader performs a perfect swing, his feelings, pride, happiness and admiration of other people.

After that you can list the results he’ll achieve – he will stand correctly, be less tiered and have a better swing, for example.

Next to list are the problems your reader will encounter. You only need to describe
problems, not to solve them. Just inform your reader about what to expect.

If you have any testimonials now is a good time to present them. That gives you a great credibility and positions you as an expert in a field.

Even if you are an expert in a field, you weren’t born with that talent. You were going through problems and struggles before you succeeded. Describing your struggle connects you with a reader. You want that “Aha!” moment, you want your reader to think, “That’s exactly what my current problem is!” Deeper the connection, deeper is the trust.

Of course, everybody loves to hear a good and uplifting story. Now it’s time to tell the story of your success. Describe how you did it, your feelings, what you achieved. Don’t brag.

Another thing that can position you as an expert is if you dispel myths around your topic. Describe myths and hint that you will dispel them. Don’t dispel them here but…

Here – your new solution. Here you will write about everything. Here you will describe
your solution and how to get to the goal.

Each of these items can be as long as it needs to be. They can be one sentence or ten
pages. For example, in my e-book, all up to “new solution” (promise, results, problems, struggle, success and myths) I have covered in one page. That’s how much space I needed. Then in “new solution” I have written the rest of the e-book.

I hope these tactics will help you to write your book.

Review: The Sex Beast of Scurvy Island

The Sex Beast of Scurvy Island by Andersen Prunty

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Book Info: Genre: Bizarro/Erotica
Reading Level: Adult (NC-17 at the least)
Recommended for: People who like their stories sick and twisted, with a side of Scooby Doo
Trigger Warnings: Lots of weird sex

Disclosure: I picked up this book free from Amazon on a promotion. All opinions are my own.

Synopsis (courtesy of Amazon): There is a sex beast loose on Scurvy Island! Can this gang of wholesome young adults hunt down this heinous monster (and love!) in this beautiful tropical paradise?

My Thoughts: This book is just sick: sick and twisted and wrong. And I loved it! A few examples of why I enjoyed this book so much:

“‘...young men are getting killed in ridiculous ways.’ ‘Ridiculous how?’ ‘They had to dig one of them out of a cow’s stomach.’ ‘Oh. Did the cow swallow him?’”

The Grassville Gang is sort of a Scooby Gang made out of adult-movie actors, with names like: Emma Inside, Carrie Godown, Zeke Loner, and Brock Rockhard. Most of them were heard to remark, at one time or another, “I do like to solve crime... almost as much as I like to fuck.” Sheriff Rogers, on Scurvy Islands, fits right in. “‘Don’t have sex with the corpse, okay?’ Rogers shook his head. ‘I can’t promise anything. Remember to take your dead demon baby with you.’”

Sick, twisted and wrong. If you can’t handle that, stay well away. But I laughed like crazy – this was just what I needed to finish off my binge of Andersen Prunty books. If you like ‘em sick, twisted and wrong, you will definitely want to read this book.



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Review: Jack and Mr. Grin

Jack and Mr. Grin by Andersen Prunty

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



Book Info: Genre: Bizarro
Reading Level: Adult
Recommended for: Fans of mystery/thrillers with paranormal twist, bizarro
Trigger Warnings: Violence against women, including sexual assault

Disclosure: I picked up this book from Amazon on a free promotion. All opinions are my own.

Synopsis: Jack Orange is a twenty-something guy who works at a place called The Tent packing dirt in boxes and shipping them off to exotic, unheard-of locales. He thinks about his girlfriend, Gina Black, and the ring he hopes to surprise her with. But when he returns home one day, Gina isn’t there. He receives a strange call from a man who sounds like he is smiling—Mr. Grin. He says he has Gina. He gives Jack twenty- four hours to find her.

What follows is Jack’s bizarre journey through an increasingly warped and surreal landscape where an otherworldy force burns brands into those he comes in contact with, trains appear out of thin air, rooms turn themselves inside out and computers are powered by birds. And if he does find Gina, how will he ever survive a grueling battle to the death with Mr. Grin?

My Thoughts: By the time I picked up this e-book on Amazon under a KDP promotion, I was just grabbing anything by this author I could find, since I found I quite enjoyed his work.

This one is quite different from the previous books I’ve read. Whereas the previous books I read tended toward horror or urban fantasy, this one is more along the lines of a thriller, albeit with supernatural aspects.

One thing I have found that I really appreciate about Andersen Prunty is his gift of describing things so perfectly. Take this description of a blandly “corporate” America:

“It looked like every highway exit area on every interstate in America, lined with chain hotels, chain restaurants and chain gas stations. Like the developers had dropped their pants and shat out what every mid-size city in America had.”

The reason I’ve rated this four stars is not due to any deficiency in the writing, but I rate based upon my enjoyment and I didn’t enjoy this one quite as much as I did the last two – I think it’s because this just didn’t have the same level of dark humor as Satanic Summer and My Fake War. However, it is a well-written and entertaining book, and I think fans of bizarro literature, as well as those who enjoy mystery/thrillers with a paranormal bent will enjoy this book.



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Review: JournalStone's 2011 Warped Words: 90 Minutes to Live

JournalStone's 2011 Warped Words: 90 Minutes to Live by Joel Kirkpatrick

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Please note: I read and reviewed this book in December 2011. I'm updating the formatting and adding a disclosure.

Disclosure: I won an ARC copy of this book through the LibraryThing Early Reviewer's program in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

Comments: “90 Minutes to Live” consists of the winning short stories for the 2011 Journalstone Warped Words contest. Each story had to contain two elements – a 90 minute deadline before death, and a lock of hair. The variety of stories is amazing – while they are mostly horror and science fiction, there is a wonderfully well-written fantasy story, and a couple of young adult stories as well, one of which was very funny. An amazing array of talent, this is an anthology for those who love a variety of fiction, love reading, and love new ideas. I can highly recommend this book – pick it up, and have a great read!

Additional comments: I apologize for the lack of detail in this review, but since this book consists of flash fiction, I could really not go into any sort of detail about any of the particular stories, because that would create spoilers. However, again: I can highly recommend this book – pick it up, and have a great read!



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JKS Holiday Hop winners!

The JKS Holiday Hop has ended and I have drawn the winners.
MARK ASHER, YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS IS BOUNCING!! PLEASE CONTACT ME AND MAKE SURE I HAVE THE CORRECT E-MAIL SO I CAN SEND YOU YOUR E-BOOKS!!  IF I DON'T HEAR FROM YOU WITHIN THREE DAYS I'LL HAVE TO PICK NEW WINNERS!

iFrankenstein's winner is:

a Rafflecopter giveaway


The Door in the Sky was won by:

a Rafflecopter giveaway


A Dog Story is awarded to:

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Zuto: The Adventures of a Computer Virus goes to:

a Rafflecopter giveaway


You will receive your e-book(s) from JKS Communication in the next few days! Congratulations!

Review: My Fake War

My Fake War by Andersen Prunty

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Book Info: Genre: Bizarro
Reading Level: Adult
Recommended for: Those looking for a book that will make them think
Trigger Warnings: Violence

Disclosure: I picked up this book from Amazon while it was on free promotion, inspired by a review I had read. All opinions are my own.

Synopsis: The absurd tale of an unlikely soldier forced to fight a war that, quite possibly, does not exist. Saul Dressing is a flabby, middle-aged librarian who just wants to be left alone to listen to jazz, watch porn, and cultivate his toenails. All of this changes when a soldier in a camouflage sweat suit shows up to draft him into the army of the United States of Everything. His mission is simple: go to a foreign country no one has ever heard of and incite the opposition to strike first. All alone in the middle of a desert with no enemy in sight, Saul must come to terms with the absurdity of his situation. Thus begins a surreal journey into the politics of war, consumerism, and giant robots.

It's Rambo meets Waiting for Godot in this subversive satire of American values and the scope of the human imagination.

My Thoughts: While perusing random reviews by a few different people, I stumbled upon the author’s own review – Andersen Prunty gave this book a two-star review. Intrigued, I read farther. I read other reviews. I read the synopsis. I thought: “This book sounds just like the sort of thing I’d enjoy!” And I had liked The Sorrow King, the first book by Prunty I read. So, when I saw this was on a promotion through KDP on Amazon and I could thus pick up a free copy, I jumped all over that.

Now, keep in mind I have never interacted with Prunty outside a single comment on his review of this book, to which he never responded. He certainly has never asked me for a review, nor had any of his friends do so. Bizarro is a strange blend of dark fantasy and horror and comedy, and it’s a sort of thing that really appeals to the more twisted and dark roots on my nature. This is a book I sought out and picked up on my own and am reviewing for my own, personal amusement.

I would love to have a gun like the one that is provided to Dressing. Push a button – instant food, water, tent... bidet? Very handy! The book, while it has its amusing moments, however, has a deadly serious message about the nature of war and greed. This quote, I think, pretty well expresses the point of the whole book:

“...that, I figured, was how this new army was recruited. If you have anything, someone will take it. And they will keep taking until you have absolutely nothing left. They will reduce you to the point where you can’t do anything but fight. And if it’s a choice between fighting or going to a prison then, well, isn’t that fighting for freedom?”

This is a very thought-provoking book, and one I think many people should read. It expresses the subversive nature of our modern political system, the sorts of excuses that are given to assuage the guilt of the people over the wars being waged, and generally pushing people into the direction the government wants them to go rather than following their own consciences. Check this one out – it’s very worth reading.



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